![[Pasted image 20251219105948.png]] My chaotic pursuit of performance. What does it mean to spend so much time chasing performance? Does it mean I am a high performance individual, or just restless and incapable of sitting still in the present moment. I used to blog. Then I stopped. In the meantime I chased metrics. Personal ones. Professional ones. At some point I decided that instead of optimising everything except reflection, I should probably start writing again. Maybe it will help me reach my goals. This is partly Cynthia Dunlop’s fault. She encouraged me to write, and if you want to understand why that matters, read [Writing for Developers](https://www.manning.com/books/writing-for-developers). She wrote it. It is good. Not just for developers. It might convince you to write too. Before you ask, this is not a GPT generated blog. I know many claim this — but it matters to me. See what I did there? I used an emdash just to confuse you. But in a world where everything is autocomplete, I want this to come from a real place. Also, GPT still cannot summon Beetlejuice, which is reassuring. Cynthia Cynthia Cynthia. See. Nothing happened. Relentlessly chasing performance has started to feel a lot like being Sisyphus. Same hill. Same rock. Different project. The slope is determined by what I am working on. The weight by how much I care. The walk back down the hill is where I usually question whether this was the right hill in the first place. This blog is where I will think about that. What goals are worth chasing. Which metrics matter. Which ones quietly amount to nothing. Stick around if you want. This might be the first and last post. That happens. Or it might accumulate into something useful over time. [[Serendipity]]